My hair reeks of homosexuality.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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