I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't turn off my feet"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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