Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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