I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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