I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
