I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
