I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize