My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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