so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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