did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
