I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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