hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
