Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
