I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
