They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
