I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
