sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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