there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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