Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
