Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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