and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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