Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
