I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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