her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
