you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
