So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
