Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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