he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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