We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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