is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
