she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're like the curious george of whores
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
