Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
