i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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