I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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