His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
