Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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