Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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