Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
