While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
