Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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