he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
