There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
