dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
