We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
