So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
