I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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