I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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