I accidentally had phone sex last night
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
