i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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