theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
