found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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