I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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