i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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