she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
