i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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