you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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