I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
