I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
