End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize