I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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