you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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