we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
