I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
