Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
