I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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