my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
