Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
