I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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