Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
