Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
