P.S. I can't hear my feet
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
