He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
