Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize