I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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