my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My hand turned me down
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
