hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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