she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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