Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
