I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
