I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
