its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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