PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize