Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
